It has been months since my last blog entry and lately Ive been feeling an urge to write something other than my english essay based on Cinderella a la Grimms/Sexton.  So since the last time I wrote, alot has happend in my life.  I've been hit by a truck, performed around the province, been linked to then drifted apart from an amazing girl, switched schools, switched majors, and learned to walk again.  But I don't want to write about any of that, I just want to bring up some questions that have been bugging me.  I've often wondered just what it is that God wants me to do with my life and where he wants to lead me.  I've wondered how to live as a man of integrity, and if I've managed to live up to Gods plan for me thus far, or if I've strayed along the way.  I've wondered that if hegemony is the 'acceptance of the values and fashions and ... of the ruling classes', then is it possible to create a culture WITHOUT hegemony?  Or would people constantly strive to be better than themselves by associating with a 'higher class' and therefore belittling their own class?  I've questioned if I'll ever get the full use of my leg back, or will I forever be condemned to merely 'walk' this earth at a slow and steady pace?  And if the truth about stories is that they're all that we are, is there any significance to the lives that we live, or is all that we do merely folklore for future generations?   And if literature is merely that, and is useless beyond superficial entertaining levels, then what of the Bible, the Koran, the Talmud?  Are those not also merely literature, yet literature that has changed the world?  And if so, is it better to be scholarly and spend much time studying, or is it better to go out into the world and learn for yourself?  And what of foul moods?  Were the ancients on to something when they said that diseases were simply punishments for their sins?  Because isn't it true that a good mood tends to be positively correlated with a healthier body and stronger immune system?  And are newborn children inherintly good, bad, or blank slates?  And is there really such a thing as a dicotomy, or is that merely a tool for discouraging free thought? And why do I wake up every morning at 6:00 to go to school when I could be out farming, or building, or cooking, or riding my bicycle?  And why do I prefer to write a blog about my non-substantial thoughts, than a thesis statement for my essay?  Why do I prefer to read books such as 'Iran Awakening' and 'Blue Like Jazz' and 'Black Like Me' over books such as 'Jane Eyre', 'The Communist Manifesto', and 'Social Psychology: Sixth Edition'?  When does a performer cross the line between 'ministry' and 'show'?  I don't know.  But I do know that to think about it makes it impossible to be merely a drone.  For to think, is to open up a world of possibilities that could not exist by merely following a template.

There's two times that I feel most alive.  One is when I'm riding my bike with a group and attacking them up a hill... just the energy and the excitement that goes with that is purely invigerating.  The other time is when I'm playing music with my band (we're christian worship leaders) and everybodies heads are in the right places and this amazing overwhelming feeling of undescribable bliss takes you.  That's when I'm most alive!